Some of what I learn in Psychology is common-sense, facts that we would likely deduce from everyday knowledge and from daily experience of the world around us. Sometimes, though, when I come across it in a textbook or hear it in lecture, I’m surprised by how obvious something is when I haven’t already consciously recognized it. It makes so much sense that I find it shocking that it took so much time until now for psychologists and scientists to make the solid claim.
For example, I read the other day that there is evidence backing the idea that depression holds evolutionary purpose, that perhaps, it exists for a reason. I’ve always looked at this mood element of my history and recovery as confusing and often without precedence. When I would feel depressed, I would often find it difficult to come up with a reason for why I felt that way. Where did this cumbersome and draining emotional state come from? Was there an event in the recent past that led up to it? Is there a hidden resentment, fear or repressed emotion that is causing me to have these depressive symptoms? What is it that’s weighing me down so much that it takes all of my strength to get out of bed in the morning, to concentrate on my studies or daily routine, to engage in conversation or to escape from my own perilous thoughts? It would anger me so much to not have a definitive cause or reason for feeling this way.
But it turns out, there was a reason. It was just hiding beneath the surface of my awareness. My depression was alerting me to the need for change.
Evolutionary psychology focuses on the human behaviors that evolve or continue throughout generations for the purpose of maintaining the survival of our species. For survival, we have basic needs like food, water, safety and reproduction. We also have certain internal processes that encourage us to pursue these needs. Depending on our roles and relationships with others, some of us developed stronger aggressive tendencies which could be used for purposes such as protection of property, territory or families. Even a level of neuroticism and anxiety could be healthy because it keeps us alert of possible dangers, allows us to predict situations in which we may be vulnerable to threats, etc.
However, it was more difficult for me to consider that depression could actually serve a purpose in survival. In the extreme sense and in cases when it lasts for extended periods of time, depression is a painful, isolating, burdensome illness. I’ve dealt with depression since my early teens (and probably earlier) and I’ve been diagnosed in the past with Major Depressive Disorder. Depression came in unpredictable waves during which I saw no way out. I coped with the pain through unhealthy behaviors, trying everything to tear a hole in this blanket of darkness that seemed to trap me and keep me separated from the outside world. For months to years at a time, I would feel physically weighed down by my depression, every small movement using up all of my energy and resources. After dealing with it for most of my life, I grew tired and weary of the strength it took at times to merely exist. It seems counterintuitive, therefore, that depression could actually help me. How could this depression actually serve a purpose in keeping me alive when all I wanted to do while in the midst of it was give up?
As I’ve learned in recovery and sobriety, however, desperation is often what we need to finally look for a solution. If I look at my past with depression alone, I’m sure I hit several different rock bottoms along the way, each one leaving me lower and more desperate than the last. But I do believe that it was those bottoms that alerted me to the fact that I needed help, that without them, I would have continued to dig my way out of this life.
Evolutionary psychologists have considered depression and pain, itself, to be a signal that something needs fixing. Like when you place your hand on a hot stove, the searing burn forces you to acknowledge that you’re being harmed, that you need to move. In that perspective, depression is a similar sign to change. As our nerve endings scream at us to remove our hands from the stove, perhaps our depression is also trying to tell us to move…to fix what needs fixing…to heal what’s been broken.
Though extreme cases can lead us into prolonged periods of depression, brief spurts of depression might be a signal that our bodies need rest and recuperation. That heaviness in our limbs, those storms of tears, that throbbing pain in our hearts… all of these might be signs that we need rest, we need time to process and to feel, we need to step back from life and to recognize what isn’t working, what needs to be changed in order for us to survive and prosper.
I’m grateful to study something that not only helps me to understand general human behavior, but also to better understand myself. I’ve often regretted the years I’ve spent immersed in my addictions and depression. I often spend a lot of time dwelling on the self-centered question of “why me?” But now I can consider the fact that perhaps those years of struggle actually helped me to take pause, to consider where that path was leading me and as a result, to change my route. Perhaps my depression led me to the point of desperation that in the end, alerted me to what needed to be fixed.
Perhaps the illness that I thought would lead to my death actually proved instrumental in helping me to reclaim my life.
Write to Live 