It’s time…

Migration

It’s usually at this time of year that I start to envy the birds as they migrate.

…envy for the freedom of taking flight and leaving the world behind.

…envy for the escape from the familiar, the routine, the people, feelings, events that hold me captive.

…envy for the ability to flee from my problems.

But today, though I still have problems, I don’t feel the need to flee. When I look at the sky and see the v-shaped migrations flying south, I’m no longer filled with envy. I no longer need an escape. I no longer feel trapped. I no longer see the appeal in ignoring my reality, in abandoning my life.

Though there’s beauty in the idea of traveling the world, the wind beneath my wings, led by my instincts and innate sense of direction, I’ve realized something. I’ve realized that what I envied all along in the bird migrations at this time of year was…change. I wanted change. I needed change.

Birds migrate for several reasons: tropical food sources, breeding and safe habitats for offspring, avoidance of predators, or inability to survive in certain climate changes. As it gets colder, some species of birds don’t have the plumage (feather insulation) to survive low temperatures. Every one of these reasons supports one thing: survival.

…and like the birds, we need to change to survive.

The past was my winter. The dysfunction of my addictions created a habitat that was unlivable, perilous. The more I stayed in that noxious environment, the more feathers I lost, the colder and sicker I became. I envied the birds then, because I envied change. I wanted to fly away, because I knew I didn’t belong where I was.

But today, the sight of a bird flying south reminds me of the changes that I’ve already made in my own life, the battles I’ve fought for myself, for my own survival. If I look back to a year ago, so much has changed not only in my life, but inside of myself. I’ve grown stronger, less afraid, less doubtful and self-loathing. I’ve built up my feathers and know now that I can survive another winter if it comes again.

I’m alive today because I’ve changed.

I no longer look to the skies in envy…

…because I know today, I no longer need to fly away to change.

I have been flying for years and across great distances… but today, I’m grounded in the present. I anticipate change and I embrace it with every new day. Because I know today, that change is what keeps me alive. Change is survival.

…and I intend to keep surviving.